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Practical Advice from Family Matters Coach

Q. I am looking to stay at home with my 4 year old son and 18 mos. old daughter, but I know we can't afford it. My husband gets crazy every time I try to talk to him about it, so I'm afraid to say anything anymore. Is there any way I can make a real income and still be at home with my kids?

A. Finances and raising children are probably the two biggest issues that married couples argue about. Very few relationships are immune to these two "hot buttons". While you may have an intense desire to be at home to raise your own children, financial considerations are keeping you from realizing that goal. Your husband is obviously stressing out at the thought of losing your income, but perhaps if you did some homework first and figure out a realistic family budget with realistic objectives, you might be able to persuade your husband to sit down and discuss this issue in a reasonable manner. For example, how much is it costing you for day care, work clothes, commuting expenses, lunches out, take-out dinners, etc. List all the expenses you have now that you would no longer incur if you were to stay at home. Does the number impress you? Then it'll also impress your husband. It might be he doesn't realize how much your family spends as a result of your working outside the home.

Ultimately, the decision boils down to, what sacrifices are you and your husband willing to make? I don't know what your family goals are, but I can guess what the usual ones are: save enough for college for the kids, perhaps a bigger or nicer house, a second car, or fabulous vacation. All these things require money, sometimes huge sums of money. If neither you nor your husband want to give up these "wants or needs", then I can see why there'd be a fight. Decide now which things are too important to give up and which things are luxuries. If you're willing to compromise, then maybe your goal of being a stay at home mom is not a pipe dream.

Your other question is harder to answer. Your ability to make a "real income" as a stay at home mom depends on a variety of factors. What are your interests or skills? Can you find part-time work in your field? Before sinking money into any program or business opportunity, investigate it thoroughly. Make sure that it is something you are able to do and like to do. It makes no sense to join a party plan business if you hate selling with passion. If you do like the idea of joining a party plan company, then this website contains a number of links to direct sales/party plan companies. If office type jobs are more to your taste, check our links to telecommuting jobs.

By doing your homework first, you can at least address some of your husband's concerns. But both of you must come to table and discuss this issue in a serious and calm fashion.

Also be aware that there are no legitimate "get rich quick" businesses out there. Any one who claims otherwise is simply wrong or else is a crook. Being a work at home parent has many challenges and isn't always the rosy picture that many internet business operators paint to entice desperate people to part with their money.

Even if you can't quit your job right away to be a stay at home mom, you can certainly start working towards that goal today. Practice cutting back on your expenses to the extent possible now. Sock your savings away. Start educating yourself about the different business opportunities out there. Then if you find something suitable, start building your business before you quit. When your business gets to the point where it meets or exceeds your employment income, then you can decide whether you still want to be a stay at home mom.

Good luck!

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